Hands of Love In "Peaceful Babies—Contented Mothers," pediatrician Dr. Emmi Pikler asks the states to consider the importance of the touch of our hands.

Hands continue the infant'due south outset connection to the world (outside of nursing). Hands pick her upwardly, lay her down, launder and dress and maybe fifty-fifty feed her. How different it can be, what a unlike picture of the world an infant receives when serenity, patient, careful notwithstanding secure and resolute hands take care of her—and how different the world seems when easily are impatient, rough or hasty, unquiet and nervous. In the beginning,  hands are everything for an baby. The hands are the person, the world. The fashion we touch a child, lift and dress her is "us" more precisely, more characteristically than even our words, or smile, or glance. If, from the get-go, we handle an infant peacefully, patiently, and carefully, she will discover always more joy in these activities, learning at the same time to trust us more and more and to accept an increasing part in our work.

To me, this begs the question: Should tickling, play wrestling, tossing a baby into the air, swinging a toddler past the arms, pillow fights- all activities otherwise known as roughhousing- have a place in the relationship between an adult and immature child? Many Dads routinely engage in this kind of play with their children, and volition tell yous information technology  is harmless fun, enjoyable for both adult and child, and that it is the way children naturally play. If yous observe immature animals at play, you volition often see them tumbling together, and "play fighting."

In fact, Dr. Larry Cohen, author of  The Playful Parent, and co-author of the new book, The Art of Roughhousing, contends that roughhousing is actually beneficial for both children and parents in many ways:

"Roughhousing activates many different parts of the trunk and the brain, from the amygdalae, which process emotions, and the cerebellum, which handles complex motor skills, to the prefrontal cortex, which makes high-level judgments. The result is that every roughhousing playtime is benign for body and brain besides as for the loftiest levels of the human spirit: social awareness, cooperation, fairness, and altruism."

In an interview with Megan Rosker (Let Children Play) Dr. Cohen says:

"I think that good quality roughhousing volition make it more likely for a child to be kind and cooperative towards others, to be a good partner and parent, and to care about the community.  The reason I believe this is that good roughhousing builds closer parent-child bonds, promotes confidence and empowerment, and solves family issues and behavior problems that can interfere with the child'southward unfolding development."

Roseann Murphy of Niggling River Schoolhouse had this to say nigh roughhousing, in response to an article detailing  Why Dads Should Roughhouse With Their Kids :

"There are many dissimilar views when it comes to "roughhousing" Things I accept observed over the years include…what looks like fun to the adult is non "fun" for the kid. Tickling is an area of roughhousing that has to exist handled with dignity and respect. "Play hitting or battle" tin crusade some problems at school. If it is OK to striking Dad, why tin't I "play hit" my pal? Great expanse for conversation."

In that location is always a size and power differential when adults are roughhousing with children, and I call back it's also easy for adults to miss the subtle cues very young children give, thus making it easy to cross the line from reciprocal to hurtful. Not to mention that young children are only learning about their ain bodies, and their concrete and emotional boundaries, and even when they may be begging for "more", they might have had plenty, or be vulnerable to injury.

Engaging in such vigorous adult/child play may not be offering a good model for children. If we want children to learn to respect their bodies, to be gentle and non-violent, and to respect other people's bodies, shouldn't we be modeling this gentleness at all times? I tend to recall the younger the child, the more need for care and caution on the part of the adult.

Whenever I think of this kind of very concrete play between parents and children, my heed flashes to an image of a video I beginning viewed when I was a educatee at RIE. In the video, a male adult is lifting a baby overhead once more and again, while the camera shakes and blurs, representing what the baby might be seeing and experiencing.

A more recent epitome too comes to mind. J.'s Mom, Dad,  and I, were walking dwelling house from his sister'due south schoolhouse dance operation. J. (age 27 months) was walking between his parents, and they were each holding one of his easily. J. used his parent"s easily to gain leverage to swing himself a little bit between them, and they responded by lifting and swinging him college. Each time they stopped, J. would beg, "Again? Once more?" J. was laughing and clearly enjoying himself. Suddenly, laughter turned to tears equally he yelped  in pain, and couldn't be comforted. I immediately suspected a dislocated shoulder, equally I've seen this blazon of injury more often than I would similar to recollect, over many years of caring for children. (An experienced  pediatrician can  popular the shoulder back into place, chop-chop relieving the pain.)

J. actually had what is referred to equally nursemaid'south elbow.  His arm was hanging at an odd angle,  he was belongings it close to his torso, and information technology was immobile. It took two trips to the doctor that 24-hour interval to pop J.'s elbow back into place, because his regular pediatrician wasn't available to run into him the get-go time, and the younger, less experienced doctor idea she had fixed the trouble, just hadn't. Needless to say, this was a traumatic day for both J. and his parents (who are among the about gentle, kind people  I know). They were responding to J.'s request for this vigorous play, and felt horrible that they had inadvertently hurt him and acquired him hurting.

Some children seem to enjoy roughhousing with siblings or peers, and I remember if all the children involved are having fun, and no one is getting hurt, this kind of play can exist OK sometimes. (Many parents, especially Moms, are very uncomfortable allowing or witnessing this type of play fighting among children.)

Yet, I  wonder if  information technology might exist  healthier for adults  to offer children alternative ways to expend the energy and emotions that frequently lead to the desire to "tussle" with others. For instance, children can push button, pull, carry, or punch sandbags, roll around on the floor with pillows, play chase, and tumble down hills. These activities are what Frances M. Carlson calls Big Body Play.

In her volume, Carlson (like Cohen) argues that "bouncy, vigorous, and very physical play is essential to children'south development and learning." She advocates including this blazon of play in all early childhood settings from infancy on, but as she presents information technology, the adult'southward role is not to engage in rough play with children, so much as it is to create and let opportunities for children to appoint in such play with other children. The developed's function becomes one of facilitator, instead of direct participant.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about this somewhat controversial result. Practice y'all call back  parents should roughhouse with their children? If so, when, how, and at what age should this kind of play occur? What benefits and drawbacks do yous see to rough and tumble play between children and adults? Practise you encounter the need for more opportunities for children to engage in very physical play with each other, or practise you think adults should insist that children play "nicely", or gently with each other at all times? Tell me what you think!